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Sunday, March 31, 2013

And Now It's Time For......


I could wile away the hours
Cursing the damn power
That keeps myself from me
And that hurt Moms in the BSE
And still hides my OBC
Adoption Agencies have no heart.....
They'd rather leave us
Empty kettles cause their
Souls are made of metal
That shred us all apart
While they punish us
For presumin'
We should be treated
Like we're  human
Ugh, Social Workers have no heart.....
Imagine me so strong and free
No mind games to slow me down
No clowns to push me around
And make me their commodity
But I'm enslaved by their emotions
Of deception and devotion
The latter they demand of me
And they con me
And they cheat me
And they don't care
How they treat me
For Lawmakers have no heart......
Yeh, it's sad believe me people
Judgmentals high up
On their steeples
Who mock me day and night
And I'm afraid there's no denying
About bastards they'll keep on lying
Oh, Church Clergy has no heart.......
Imagine me
So strong and free
Forgiven like I should be
Treated like an equal finally
And given back my dignity
There would be no wicked mystery
To haunt me and to hurt me
And take myself from me
But they care more about their money
And they think hurting us is funny
Because they have way to much nerve
And they never had a brain.....
Ugh, Closed Adoption is insane!

My 13th year of life on this earth was not a good one.
The Junior High School I was attending in 1972 decided to send my entire class to the local High School in 9th grade rather than let us stay there where we were supposed to be the following year.
I had been in a small singing group in 7th and 8th grade called The Dimensions that was started by a musician who sang with a once well known band called The Great Train Robbery who cut a popular album in the 60's but just did not have the staying power they needed to carry on after a hit single.
They broke up after a few frustrating years in the music business and all the members went off to different vocations in different towns.
In 1971 the lead singer came to teach music at our Junior High School......
It was supposed to be a given I would get the lead in the musical during my last year there, since I had the talent and the seniority being a 9th grader.
Because that is how it worked.
Only a 9th grader could get the lead, something I dreamt of all the time.
Then after waiting two long years for this honor it was suddenly ripped away from me and instead I would find myself  a significant nothing at a huge school where 12th graders loved to make fun of us.
A school where I could not even get into the specialty choir because I wasn't old enough.
And very soon after this impending disappointment I was informed we were moving to another street in our town....
Yes, we were moving on up, to a ritzy neighborhood while all I felt was that I was  moving on down, thrown into a deep black hole where I had lost everything that meant anything to me....
For now I was going to lose my best friend as well.
A girl a year older than me who I always looked up to.
And had played with every day after school for 5 years.
Who I talked about "That Girl" with, her favorite show. 
And about "Bewitched" with, my favorite show.
And our crush on Bobby Sherman......
Who I made up and acted out plays with
And practiced a British accent with
So we could pretend we were from London.....
She would be in 10th grade and yes the move hurt our friendship.
We still spoke when we could but we drifted apart.
And years later when I was 18, I would not take her good advice due evil people in my life who were trying to keep me away from what was best for me......
Which ended our friendship once and for all.
but that's a whole nother nightmare I don't want to blog about......
Instead I would have to live in the same neighborhood as the cold snotty Catholic girl who always treated me like dirt even though I had always been nice to her.
Her  warm Welcome Wagon message to me was DON'T YOU DARE TAKE MY BABYSITTING JOB with the people next door to you......
complete with the evil eye, a disgusted look and her nose stuck firmly up in the air.....

It was in my 13th year that I also had my first dream about my Natural Mother.
Right before we moved.
A dream I have never told anyone about in my life.
And yes it was dreamt in the format of The Wizard of Oz......
Many people over the years have asked me why I once used this film as the theme for my blog.
So now they are going to get the answer, instead of my saying as usual, it's a long story......

I was hiding from the Wicked Witch of the West in her castle....
But I could see her with Nikko, the leader of the pack looking into the crystal ball.
There was an image, of a woman's head, but she had no face....
But I KNEW it was my Mother....
She kept saying Where is she? Where is she?....
But the witch only laughed.
Then suddenly I was in the forest with the apple throwing trees asking them if they knew where my Mother was.
I never got an answer of course.
Just a  Macintosh in my face.....

Shortly afterwards when I was running away, I saw the Flying Monkey's coming towards me and they lifted me up and flew away with me in the dark creepy sky while I heard the witch's laughter once again far off in the distance.
I want to see her face! I want to see her face! I screamed up at them.
Only the witch can see her they shouted back........
And that is how it went.
We flew around in circles over the top of the castle by the open window where I could see the crystal ball...
But never my Mother's face inside of it...
And in all my terror I knew that is exactly what the witch wanted......
I got really angry though after a while and I punched the monkey in his stomach as my hands were free and then because he got very angry he dropped me in the middle of a poppy field.
After I hit the ground it was then that I first saw Glinda, who kept saying to me you can see her now, you can see her now.....just walk back to the castle.
So off I went, only to be snatched up by evil ole' Nikko who kept flying away from the castle with me in his demeaning grip.
He would not let me get there.....
And for hours we flew around Oz......
Until I saw Glinda again in her big beautiful pink bubble flying towards me......
Pink... which was my favorite color.
I KNEW she wanted to help me.

And I knew she was going to.
I saw her raise her wand to Nikko and.....
Then I woke up.
So off I would go.
To a big scary high school I hated.
All alone.
With the familiar and depressing pain of not even knowing who my own Mother was every day of my life and NOT being allowed to.....
The world felt so mean to me.
Just like the Wicked Witch of The West......

A lot of stress for a 13 year old kid......
I was told that when I was 18 I could know who my Biological Family was.
But like for many Adoptees it didn't pan out that way....
And still hasn't because of lies, deceptions and Closed Adoption Records.
For we have been ripped apart by the Adoption Industry, The Departments Of Social Work, Church Clergy, Adoptive Parents who break Open Adoption Agreements and lawmakers who support their never ending abuse.
Our bloodlines have been torn from us, with utter disregard, and intentional malice just like the Flying Monkey's tore apart the Scarecrow......
His arms.....
His legs.....
And his chest that held his heart......

And like the maniacal Wicked Witch of The West, who ordered this attack,
all of these groups of people couldn't care less about the damage that
was done.
For each of them dreams only of grasping The Ruby Ring......
In the form of being able to raise a child.
In the form of financial gain.
And for the sheer sadistic joy
Of controlling other people......
Pulling every dirty trick in the book to get what they want.
And never playing fair.
No matter what the cost.
No matter who gets hurt.
And this has gone on, year after year after year......

So this year,  in 2013, I would like to send to those who have our souls scattered in pieces all over the world a Flying Monkey Award to symbolize all the destruction they have spewed on Biological Mothers, Fathers and Adoptees alike.
If you would like to take part in this contest with me, please go to the poll at your right (at the very top of my blog) and cast your vote as to who should receive this honor while we continue on in this new year to fight the same tedious battle of trying to keep their evil at bay.

While we also pray Glinda will come save us once and for all........



  1. I voted for Troy Dunn. I hope he wins! It's ridiculous that adoptees are left in the dark about their own heritage. What a stupid way to have to live. OBC access for all!

  2. Thanks OTR. Yup, it's a stupid way to have to live. I like the way you put that. We will keep on fighting, despite all the people out there that want to trip us up. More and more people are starting to understand though and there are Politicians, Adoptive Parents and non-Adopted siblings to Adoptees that support us as well. Even some Christians I know support us, and all of them know that we need all our current medical information and have a right to a passport and driver's license without being harassed by authorities which is another problem with Sealed Files. People who think straight know that Adoptees can still love their Adoptive Parents AND know their own heritage. This isn't a competition. We don't see it that way. Some Adoptees might not even like their Natural Parents or get along with them. But the point is, we still have a right to know who the hell they are and no one ever had a right to tell us we didn't. And they still don't.

  3. I love your poem and it is so true!