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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

National Dead Adoptee Month.....






When Michael Blosil (Bryan) committed suicide this past February, gay rights activists began commenting on every forum that ran the story about his death, that Michael took his life because he couldn't handle all the "vile hatred spewed at homosexuals".

Elaboration after elaboration began to paint the picture that Michael was himself indeed gay, due to his interest in fashion, due to his enrollment in school learning this very trade, due to his love of art.
A possible fact perhaps hidden deeply by The Osmond Family themselves.

But I didn't buy it.
I KNEW he wasn't gay.
I eventually made a comment on Mirah Riben's blog, "Family Preservation Advocacy" saying exactly that.
"He isn't gay Mirah" I said.
And I was right.
Months later Marie Osmond also said the exact same thing......

So I'm psychic.
So what.
No big news to me. I know a lot of things other people don't know....
Surprises don't elude those with ESP however and we can't pick up on everything all the time, so my stomach turned as the words of so many Americans, so misinformed about the pain Adoptees go through, hit me like a brass knuckled fist had just punched me in my belly button.

Cutting word after cutting word indicated in reader's opinions, that Michael had a genetic "defect" from his biological Mother, a disease called depression inherited from bad DNA due to having a Mother that was probably "trailer trash" because she was single.....

And most likely on drugs.

One of the many "mental illnesses ALL bastards have" just BECAUSE they "ARE"  dirty little bastards. Not one word was mentioned of course, that I have come across, that indicated  Michael's depression might have been caused BECAUSE he felt rejected by his Mother and perhaps couldn't handle the instability of identity that all Adoptees suffer.

Yet all the evidence points exactly to these plights.
Plights all Adoptees are forced to deal with, one way or another all throughout our lives.

And how do so many Adoptees deal with this agony?
With drugs, alcohol, nymphomania, hysteria over rejection from our peers and romantic interests, self-destruction, coldness, reckless and self-destructive behavior, apathy, inability to concentrate, petty crimes, and yes, depression and suicide.
Not all Adoptees engage in all these behaviors however and most Adoptees usually just hone in on a few of them.

Yet sometimes that behavior can end up being our lifelong balm...
While it is also our lifelong curse.......

But it isn't just Adoptees who can begin to go down the wrong path due to feeling unwanted by our Natural Mothers either.
Many children whose Mothers have died, or who walked out on them and their Fathers later in their life, can begin to travel quickly in the wrong direction.
Our burden however, is the one most avoidable, if outdated laws would just change in this land of the (cough, cough) free........

I remember a girl I knew in Jr. High School in the early 70's.
She was pretty and smart but dubbed a "goody two shoes" like I was, by the kids who smoked cigarettes and drank beer across the street in a church parking lot at 12 and 13.
She was ladylike and perhaps a bit prissy according to the cool, popular kids, but I thought she was compassionate and kind and I liked her a lot.

When we were in 9th grade, her Mother killed herself.
She, for reasons I am still unaware of, went into the garage, a Mother of three, and turned on the ignition....
hours later this good humored 14 year old came home to find her Mother listless in a huge cloud
of carbon monoxide.
Days later I, like everyone else in my class was absolutely horrified when we heard this news.
I didn't even know what to say to her.
And neither did anyone else.
I was afraid to talk to her about it.
Terrified I'd say the wrong thing.
And terrified that my own Natural Mother was dead.
Somewhere.
Out there.
Because I needed to see her just once.
At least.
To hear her voice.
And to ask why she could not keep me.
A question ALL children whose Mother was not there as they grew up, no matter what the circumstances, Adopted or not, would want to know.

Because that is just human nature......

I had met her Mother once.
She was such a gorgeous woman.
She was fun loving and nice.
Full of laughter and smiles.
And man, I remember thinking my friend was so lucky to have her for a Mom.
Months later I knew the kind of darkness my friend was in.
Due to her grief.
Her pain.
And perhaps her anger.
She stopped caring about school.
About grades.
And pretty soon leather jackets began to replace her frilly dresses and kilt skits, while looks of sarcasm replaced her look of self-assurance.

She started hanging out in the smoking lounge at our high school, inhaling Marlboros just like me, as I began to slowly burn away the beautiful singing voice I had been blessed with by my own flesh and blood who I was so cruelly told I was not even allowed to know.....
Both of us lost due to being separated from our Mothers.
In an overwhelmingly big school.
Our situations were different of course, but the the confusion and feelings of abandonment were the same.
And so was the apathy....

The insensitivity I have come across on the internet, pertaining to Adoptees has made me very angry, as the typical stereotypes pertaining to bastards have come up from the deep dark murky waters, like a sea monster, rearing it's ugly head.
So hence, another post from me...
and my vent to the entire world....

Stop treating us like we are bad seeds.
Or damaged goods.
Or like we all come from inmates at the local jail or patients at a rehab center.
Because we don't.
And we aren't.
Look instead at the REASONS Adoptees are depressed.
Or take their lives.
Not being  legally allowed to know who our Mothers are while we are growing up due to Closed Adoption (and therefore not knowing the circumstances of our relinquishment which also feeds our feelings of powerlessness and maddening frustration).
Or having an Open Adoption cut off which also undermines an Adoptee's self-worth too.
And stupid Adoption Agencies that play mind games with us when we do try to find our Natural Parents as adults.
"Beemommies" that buzz around all over the internet cement the depression and feelings of low self-esteem their children will have too, as they ignore the fact that they still feel dumped by them.

Adoption may seem like a "gift" to many Adoptive Parents, but we feel like the returned gift.
Just not good enough...
And love from Adoptive Parents is not the cure all like social workers, Adoption Agencies and Church Clergy tell them it will be.

Just like a new friend doesn't erase the pain of being cast aside by an old one.

It will always haunt me that Michael's last painful feelings were concerning a young woman he knew. I think male Adoptees have a very hard time dealing with rejection from females, as they may represent his Mother over and over again.

Light must be shined on the fact that it is the Adoption System and the feelings of not being wanted by our Mothers which can make us ultra sensitive to not being loved by others that might drive Adoptees to suicide, not because Adoptees come from the Island of Misfit Toys in a leaking boat by the way of the Genetic Defect River to begin with.

And since this is National Adoption Awareness Month, I think it is damn high time, the world was AWARE of what the truth about Adoptees REALLY is......

There is scant information on the internet about any experiences Michael may have had with his Natural Mother.
But I am not complaining about that.
Because, especially in this rude age of TMI, it is none of anyone's business if he met her, and if he did, how his relationship with her panned out.
All that matters is that HE knew who she was.
Or that he was given the chance to.

I did come across an interview Marie Osmond gave years ago on the Larry King Show and she said refreshingly bluntly, that she felt it WAS her Adopted children's right to know who their Biological Parents were.
I just hope she meant it....

KING: "In all of your cases, did you know the birth mother?

OSMOND: I didn't -- I don't know my birth mothers.

KING: None of them?

OSMOND: No.

KING: Don't know their names.

OSMOND: I would have to look in the papers. But I have all the information if my children want to know.

KING: For health reasons?

OSMOND: Well, no, but if my children want know, I think that's their privilege and prerogative.

KING: And if they want to meet them someday that's okay, too?

OSMOND: I look forward to it".


Was Michael's Biological Mother truly invited into his life or only allowed to be at his grave site to say goodbye?.....
Most Mormon's don't think Adoptees should have the right to meet their Natural Parents however and we all know the NCFA, THAT HATES THE IDEA OF OPEN ADOPTION RECORDS is proof of that.

But we also know that LDS Adoption Agencies and The Department of Social Work do not tell the truth to Adoptive Parents that our need to know who our Natural Parents are as we are growing up is an essential part of taking care of us.

Instead they hide this truth behind The Birth Mother Privacy LIE and slap bogus labels on us that indicate we harbor abnormal feelings for merely wanting to know our own heritage in the first place.

And the NORMAL need to know and even feel loved by those who conceived us.

And they do this in part because of their immature and relentless greed.

Even when the last shovel of dirt covers the coffins of Adoptees who knew OH SO better.......







Rest In Peace Michael Our Angel

You will be missed forever........

And forever we will love you.....




(I will post once more on Friday, concerning another beautiful Adoptee gone to soon.
It has to be Friday and if you stop by you will see why.
But then I am gone again.
I don't have closure due to the self-centered Adoption Industry.
So Closed Adoption is hard for me to write about.
Two is all I can handle this month.
Despite the many sad stories.
And I won't be back.
At least until the "Adoption Professionals" slap us hard in the face again and it hurts more to hold my rage in than to unleash it on them....)


Photo Credits:
Splash & AP
                        

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